Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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