He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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