do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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