we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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