dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
