And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
