I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
