God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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