Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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