remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
