This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
