you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize