I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
