I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i will never coherently bang her
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
