I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
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