I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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