Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
