After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
