Banned from zoo.
Again?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
