I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize