I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
