so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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