I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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