but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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