Plan B is the new Plan A
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize