Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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