My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize