see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
