I need help removing her.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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