im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Welp...herpes.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
