I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
