you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
