I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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