saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
