All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
