Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
