She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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