i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
