You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
