My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Still dying that you shit outside
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
