I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
