My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
