We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
God, I missed his penis.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize