The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
