you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
