dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
