I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize