i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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