I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
two words...techno handjob
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
