he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
