I saw his package. It spoke to me.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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