i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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