I'm jealous of your bromance
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
