Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
