i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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