Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
