We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
