I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
