To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
