but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
