Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
