I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
